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Sunday, January 15, 2012

So Tired of the Poo Water

Last week, we had a plumber come out and relieve us of the poo water that had flooded our basement for a good week. I take that back. A BAD week. It cost us "only $245, because we went ahead and took that trip fee off for you!".

This week, we had to have the SAME plumber come out and snake our main drain AGAIN, because we got the poo water back. And this time, there were turds. Rainbows of turds.

The last time, we were just treated to brown smelly water, with a bit of toilet paper mixed in. Nothing we couldn't handle.

This time, we watching in horror as tiny turds would come bobbing out of the drain. It looked like they were hooked to fishing poles, and we were fishing for the worst goddamn fish in the world.

The sludge was awful. Black, slimy, and just stinky. The water was thick. The smell? Well, you could see steam rising off of the water the whole time it was down there. So now, we're all walking around with radical amounts of fecal matter in our lungs, I'm sure of it. I could handle my mother in law's super strong old lady perfume way better than I could handle this.

When the kids were younger, and she would watch them, even for just an hour, after they got home, you could smell her perfume in their clothes, their hair and their skin. And I would have to instantly toss them in the bath.

Yeah. I toss my kids in the bath. Makes it fun, and also helps me perfect my aim.

She always wondered why they were whiney and would complain of headaches. Hmmm...

I'm not even quite sure WHY I'm posting this right now. I am so exhausted, my eyes are SO tired, I can hardly see what I'm typing. I've got the double vision, and not even the cool Foreigner type of double vision.

No, YOU are as Cold as Ice.

I got off work tonight, to find out that my husband let my two chuds take late naps. Late naps as in, 7 till 9pm. So who's wide awake right now? Two kids that should have been in bed hours ago. Who wants to go to bed REAL bad? THIS girl. Who is passed out on the couch without a care in the world??

Chuck is just asking for a punch in the head right now. Would that be considered a hate crime, since he's asian? Probably not. I'm married to him, so I think I'm safe there, and there's no race card.

Which reminds me. I would KILL for a good pint of pork fried rice. Dude. I have GOT to find myself a good chinese restaurant in this town.

Because so help me, if I buy another pint of pork fried rice, I take it home, and that shit has scrambled eggs in it, so help me, SO help me, I will punch Chuck again. Because someone's gotta take it for the poor chinese guy who made it.

Poor Chuck. The ambassador for "Punch in the Head for all Chinese People Who Put Scrambled Eggs In My Damn Fried Rice".

The end. Are you even still reading? This is terrible.

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