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Monday, October 1, 2012

The Midnight Walk of My 31st Year

I just recently turned thirty one.  It doesn't really seem like a huge deal to most, but to me, it was THE biggest deal.  I was depressed.  It felt like instead of leaping over the fence of thirty into a whole new age of confidence, I fell straight on my face. In the mud.  The night of my birthday, I didn't feel like doing a thing. I just stayed up all night, and thought about what direction my life was taking. The Chunk suggested we take a walk. It was 2 in the morning, and the chuds were at Chuck's parents' house for the night, so why not?  Maybe that would clear my head.
 
So we went. I slipped on my warm hooded sweatshirt, and headed out into the cool, damp night. It was dark. We live on the end of a dead end street, and beyond us are woods. We have one street light over the dead end sign, and under that light, the leaves were gently waving in the wind. The quiet of the neighborhood was thick. I swear you could almost touch the silence. The dew on the grass was cold and wet, and I wondered if wearing flip flops was such a good idea. It was a clear night, and if you looked up in the sky, the stars were twinkling in a way that it looked as though someone had tossed a handful of glitter into the air. I swear, the longer I looked, the more stars appeared. Different colors; I could see purples, blues and pinks sparkling through the leavs of the trees in our backyard. I sat in the grass next to our large pine tree, and inhaled deeply. I could smell the wet dirt, and dug my fingers into it. The cool feeling of the earth in the palm of my hand reminded me of planting my petunias this past spring, and of the purple petunia that Chloe was so proud to give to me on Mother's Day.
 
Walking around the block, the streetlights turned the grass and trees into an almost fluorescent green; the dew made it even brighter! The street was so dark gray and dismal in comparison, that it almost reminded me of a fairy tale. It was so surreal. I couldn't believe my eyes. This is where we live? Our neighborhood looks like THIS? I had never appreciated where I lived as much as I did that night. We walked back to the house, following the spotlights of the streetlights, and I could feel every rock and pebble sharply stabbing my feet under those flimsy flip flop sandles. For once, I didn't care. It felt good. It reminded me that even at thirty one, I was alive, feeling, and free. We came back to the house, and I stayed in the yard for a while longer. I didn't WANT to go back into the house. I wasn't ready to go back into a stuffy home. I wanted to stay outside, where the air was clean and fresh, damp and pure. I couldn't stand the thought of going back into the house; I associated it with the feeling of being trapped back in my real life once again. I was ready to spend the whole night outside, maybe even longer, lying in the cool grass, with my wet cold toes in the dirt. I knew the night was going to end eventually, and I would have to pick up my kids, and go back to being a mom, wife and adult. At that moment, though, I was a kid again. I didn't feel so bummed anymore. I felt like I could have done anything at that moment, sitting in the corner of my yard, staring at that dead end sign, at those leaves waving in the street light, and staring into the dark of the deep woods beyond. I could have stayed there forever.
 
It's not every night a person decides to walk outside and spend time with the bugs at 2 in the morning. I'm usually in bed by ten. The way I felt that night was something I hadn't felt in years. Not since I was younger, before I had kids, and responsibilities. I'll never look at my yard the same way again, and maybe next time, when the kids spend the nights at their grandparents' house, I won't look at it as an opportunity to get to bed early, to watch grown up tv, and get housework done. I'll look at it as a chance to take one more late night walk through those gray pebbled streets; to walk barefoot through the green dewy grass. Taking the time to smell the pine of the tree in our front yard and to listen to the sounds of silence. Feeling free, once again.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Well, here we go.

Another summer, almost over.

You'd never know it from my backyard, where my tree is slowly losing all of it's leaves, thanks to the amazing drought we've had, and now I need to rake like it's 1999. Or October. Your choice.

Anyway!

Nothing really has happened since the last time I was on this damn blog. I can't keep up with it, because to be honest, I haven't had a whole lot going on.

I will be headed to Kent State (in Salem, OH) this fall for the RN program. I'll probably finish it by the time I'm 93. I already have my appointment made to schedule my classes on the 23rd of July. Exciting!

I have a HUGE BBQ/Birthday bash planned for my kiddos on the 21st of July. It will be absolute madness, and I'm pretty excited/stressed/bawling my eyes out. I'm expecting... well... a lot of people. My babies are no longer babies. Ness is now four, thanks to July 3rd, and Chlo will be 6 on the 27th. It's amazing how much faster time flies once the second one is born. Ness is starting preschool this year, and I'm terrified he'll be the kid who never listens and gets in trouble constantly. Chloe will be attending the "big" elementary school this year as a first grader, and I'm nervous because she'll be around all the older kids. I don't think I can handle it!

We're finally getting somewhere with our house remodeling. We JUST finished painting (kinda) the attic; enough to make it livable, and have decided to make it our own bedroom, that way Ness and Chlo could each have their own rooms downstairs. Chloe's at a point where she wants her privacy, and a super princessy room doesn't hurt, either.

Ness is a little panicky. He's shared a room with his sister for quite a while now, and has grown used to it. Gonna have to pick up a hardcore nightlight for that little sucker.

As for me, I'm prepared to sweat it out upstairs, until my husband breaks, and buys me a window air conditioner. I mean, it's the ATTIC! That bitch is hot.

I'll deal with hot flashes when I hit menopause, but until then, I'd prefer to freeze my ass off in bed every night.

Gosh. What else?

Oh. I have so many old friends who are planning on coming out to the party this Saturday, and I'm excited to see each and every one of them. I have some cookin's to do, and some bakin's, and some cleanin's! (lots and LOTS of cleanin's!)

My travels down the weight loss road have hit a pitstop; I've been feeling not so much like myself lately, and not so very great. I've been eating badly again, and while I have been eating badly, I've only gained back a couple of pounds. If I keep up like this, it WILL be more, so I should probably check myself before I wreck myself soon. I was hoping to look like a hot champ by 31, but... my 31st is in 50some days, and I don't think it's gonna happen.

I'm seriously in need of a vacation. I want to get away. Away from the kids, where I can sleep, NOT have to clean, and discipline. Where I can have a few drinks and pass out outside, and maybe take a bike ride. Or hike. YES. I love to hike.

Don't get me wrong. I love love LOVE my kids. Every mom needs that break once in a while, and I didn't realize how much I loved school until my kid starting going. Now I'll be sending them both off? Holy cow. It's like I've hit the damn lottery. (Except for the whole "getting up early to get them ready" crap. Ick.)

Chlo is scheduled to have surgery on the 24th of August, which will be her 3rd day of school. She's having 2, possibly 3 teeth pulled, 3 crowns, and a drill and fill. I'm a nervous mess about the whole situation. I've never been put under for anything, so the thought of my kiddo being "put to sleep" is totally freaky and foreign to me. I know it's pretty routine nowadays, and a lot of my friends have dealt with this situation already, but it's still scary as heck. Chlo, on the other hand, is excited to eat pudding and milkshakes afterward. Not a care in the world.

Today, we took the kids out for a chinese dinner. Chloe noshed on frogs' legs, sushi, and 3 cheese stuffed mushrooms. She also had crab legs. The kid eats everything, and asks to try everything. I love it. Especially since I was an extremely picky eater as a kid. (Aaaaand... I still am. Kinda. Not as bad!) Ness, on the other hand, sticks with the basics. Mac'n cheese, rice, eggroll, lo mein. The stuff that looks safe.

Sigh. Ok.

I'm going to bed now. That's my updates for today.

Chlo starts cheering soon for the Alliance Little Aviators. She's already tagged and brought in a ton of money for being hella cute. Now we'll get her uniform in the next few weeks, and she'll start practice. Expect pictures of that madness.

Until then? huhhhhhh. I'm tired.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Bike Riding Adventures and Hurty Crotcheys

Well, here I am. It's been a long time since I last blogged, and I'm not sure if I remember the innies and outies of such madness!

My computer has finally been fixed, so I can blog once again, and lately, I've not had much to write about.

Except for today.

Today, I have a hurty crotchey.

I rode a bike today. Why? I'm on the path to weight loss, and have discovered that running is very bad to me and  my right shin, very bad indeed. So I wheeled the ole' bike out of the shed, checked out those dry rotted tires, figured they were good to go, and took off on the first bike ride I've taken in 15 years.

Wow. I thought I was going to face plant in the first 30 seconds, but as it turns out, you just can NOT unlearn how to ride a bike! It was like I never stopped riding. My legs felt great. I rode for 45 minutes. I thought I was going to die, but a GOOD die, like when you gorge on a mountain of white iced chocolate cupcakes with those little tiny sprinkles that look like millions of balls of happy all over, but in a much healthier way.

When I was done, my legs felt like jelly, and I swear, I could have taken down a bull elephant with my amazing thigh muscles. WHERE have these muscles BEEN all of my life??

I won't lie. The seat hurt. That was the only painful part of my bike journey, was my ass.

Hours later, I'm starting to notice that my crotch... ick.... is achey. My bike seat hates my woman parts, and it's not afraid to show it. (show it show it show it.... It hates me and I know it.)


I've decided to name my bike "The Groin Kicker", bcause this is how I felt afterwards. Like this poor, ridiculously tan man in the yellow sweater. I'm HOPING after I conquer The Groin Kicker, I will feel more like that powerful woman in the leotard, all bright pink, not having to worry about peeing her pants when she jumps, because she's had two kids and her bladder has suffered greatly.  (Plus, check out them bitchin' leg warmers, yo!)

I'm also starting my daily regime of Pilates once again. I used to do those pretty hardcore before kids, and honestly, it was the best I had ever looked OR felt. No WONDER Chuck thought I was cute, I WAS cute!

Does anyone rock out on myfitnesspal.com? If so, by all means, add me as a friend! I figure the more friends I have on their, the more motivated I am to check in every day, and not cheat. My user name is "kobrakaisandy".

Other things that have been going on in the household? Eh, not much, really. Chloe's almost done with kindergarten, Ness has been registered for preschool in the fall, Chuck's job is a load of crap, albeit, a DECENT paying load of crap, and I only work every other weekend. It's been fun. Our upstairs room that we've been working on for the kids has been sort of scrapped in a sense; it's still being worked on, but for Chuck and I. By the time we finish this room, the kids won't want to share a room anymore, not to mention they'll be too old to share a room, being the opposite sex and all. So they'll each have their own room downstairs, and I'll be upstairs, paranoid, and running down the stairs every 5 minutes to check on them as they sleep.

Once again, thank GOD for ADT. If it weren't for them, then thank god  for all the anti-anxiety medications in the world, because I would need them.

Anything else? Eh. Not really. (Note the pattern there. Eh. Not really.)

Keep it real, until next time.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My Computer Died; It's a Zombie Now.

Hey! How long has it been now? My last post was January some-teen-ish. Three months. Wow.

I haven't done a damn thing in these three months that are worth writing about.

So let's move on.

Hardboiled eggs are gross. Disgusting. HORRIBLE. They stink, they look like an oblong stupid bouncy ball with syphilis, and are stupid to make. They ARE fun to color, though. Mayo is also gross. Mix these two ingredients together, and you'll have the perfect weapon to keep me away for life. Ask Chuck. He never gets love when he eats that combo. Ew.

You like sno-cones? I have perfected the perfect syrup for a sno-cone or slushy. It's amazing. Here's the recipe for madness:

1 1/2 C of sugar
1 1/2 C of water
2 packets of koolaid, flavor of your choice. (make sure they're the same flavor, or mix for something different!)

Boil the water and sugar together for a full minute, then add the koolaid. Mix it in, and let it cool.
Stick that amazing shit into a squeezy bottle and fridge it! It keeps for months!

Wow. Honestly, I had so many ideas for things to write about these past couple of months, and now that I'm here, I'm suffering some serious writer's block. Please don't judge!

I'll try better next time. I promise.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

So Tired of the Poo Water

Last week, we had a plumber come out and relieve us of the poo water that had flooded our basement for a good week. I take that back. A BAD week. It cost us "only $245, because we went ahead and took that trip fee off for you!".

This week, we had to have the SAME plumber come out and snake our main drain AGAIN, because we got the poo water back. And this time, there were turds. Rainbows of turds.

The last time, we were just treated to brown smelly water, with a bit of toilet paper mixed in. Nothing we couldn't handle.

This time, we watching in horror as tiny turds would come bobbing out of the drain. It looked like they were hooked to fishing poles, and we were fishing for the worst goddamn fish in the world.

The sludge was awful. Black, slimy, and just stinky. The water was thick. The smell? Well, you could see steam rising off of the water the whole time it was down there. So now, we're all walking around with radical amounts of fecal matter in our lungs, I'm sure of it. I could handle my mother in law's super strong old lady perfume way better than I could handle this.

When the kids were younger, and she would watch them, even for just an hour, after they got home, you could smell her perfume in their clothes, their hair and their skin. And I would have to instantly toss them in the bath.

Yeah. I toss my kids in the bath. Makes it fun, and also helps me perfect my aim.

She always wondered why they were whiney and would complain of headaches. Hmmm...

I'm not even quite sure WHY I'm posting this right now. I am so exhausted, my eyes are SO tired, I can hardly see what I'm typing. I've got the double vision, and not even the cool Foreigner type of double vision.

No, YOU are as Cold as Ice.

I got off work tonight, to find out that my husband let my two chuds take late naps. Late naps as in, 7 till 9pm. So who's wide awake right now? Two kids that should have been in bed hours ago. Who wants to go to bed REAL bad? THIS girl. Who is passed out on the couch without a care in the world??

Chuck is just asking for a punch in the head right now. Would that be considered a hate crime, since he's asian? Probably not. I'm married to him, so I think I'm safe there, and there's no race card.

Which reminds me. I would KILL for a good pint of pork fried rice. Dude. I have GOT to find myself a good chinese restaurant in this town.

Because so help me, if I buy another pint of pork fried rice, I take it home, and that shit has scrambled eggs in it, so help me, SO help me, I will punch Chuck again. Because someone's gotta take it for the poor chinese guy who made it.

Poor Chuck. The ambassador for "Punch in the Head for all Chinese People Who Put Scrambled Eggs In My Damn Fried Rice".

The end. Are you even still reading? This is terrible.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Getting Accepted, Getting Poopy, and Raising Hell(ions)

It's been a week. It's been one HELL of a week. Let me start by saying that 2012 started off by raping me hardcore, and I ended up not only beating it in it's sweet, yearly ass, but I totally OWNED that shit.

First off, we started with a whole family full of snot filled sickwads. It was beautiful, if you find rivers of green mucus as such.

One of my chilluns gets SO bad, I take her to the ER. Strep throat! The doctor tells me. "See that strawberry tongue?? Get her on antibiotics!"

I can guarantee you that this is exactly what the doctor saw. Like I said, I raise some hardcore chilluns.


So we get that out of the way. My Chloe, my poor Chlo, who hardly ever gets sick, EVER, gets the strep throat. We get antibiotics, and the next day, she goes from shivering and sleeping for two days with a ridiculous fever, to super happy fun time girl. Back to her old self.

Not even a week later, we get a ton of snow dropped on top of us here in good ole' Ohio. Granted, it was about time, seeing as we've hardly had any (or NONE at all, I should say) since winter started, but it was nice to see it. Well. Chuck goes downstairs to smoke his cigarette, and I hear cursing. "Poop in the basement! Poop water in the basement!", except replace poop with "shit", and add a few more creative sounding words in front of "basement", and "poop water".


 No, not THAT kind of poo water. I WISH my poo water was this cuddly.

THIS kind of poo water. Not so lovable, is it?



We had overflow. Not cash overflow, although that would have been hella awesome. Nope. We had poop overflow.

Ok. We didn't see any turds in the water. We got real lucky, and a turd never surfaced. But we saw toilet paper. We saw.... brown water. It smelled bad. Chuck was bailing buckets of water, about eight 5 gallon buckets a day, until we got a plumber out.

Before THAT happened though?

 Three nights ago, Chuck went down to bail some water. Little did he know, the kids followed him down. (sneaky little shits, just like their mother.) Next thing he hears is a crash, and a blood curdling scream. I heard it from upstairs, dropped everything, and took off downstairs. Chuck's freaking out, I'm freaking out, Chlo's freaking out and covered in blood and poo water, and Ness is all "guys! I want to watch teedee down here! LISTEN TO ME!!!".

At first, it looks like a little scrape. I take her upstairs, give her a wet rag, and tell her to hold it on her booboo until I can get her out of those yucky clothes. As I'm getting her cleaned up, I tell her to let me see her booboo, and when she takes the rag off? Well, if I were Chuck, I would have passed out. She's lucky it was me. It was bad. I saw meat. I knew we had to go to the ER again. AGAIN. Twice in less than a week. These people probably think... I don't know WHAT they think.

So I drive her to the ER. Chuck has to call off work, because the basement is quickly filling up with water, faster than he can bail, and we just don't have a choice.

I almost cried in that waiting room with Chlo. I felt SO bad that this had happened to her. I was wracking my brain, thinking of ways that I could have avoided this from happening, when I realized that I just couldn't. I was busy, Chuck was busy, and the kids just followed him downstairs, as they always have. They didn't know the floor was wet in our tv room (and it hadn't been, until that very night), and in the dark, she took off running, and boom. Slid right in the water.

I know I can't watch my kids all of the time. Of course not. Things happen that are out of our control. Damnit, though. I LIKE to be in control of these kinds of situations. I got to hold her hands when she got her stitches, and I felt horrible when she cried, as they stuck the needles for the anesthesia in her chin. It looked like it HURT. She took it so well, even the doctor and the nurse were impressed. That made me SO proud of her. She was a total champ. I brought her and her numb chin home, and we were all happy again.

We got a plumber. He snaked our main drain, and pulled out tree roots. That's not a good sign.

But that's for another day.

So this week, Chlo survived two bad situations, and proved that she is a true badass, just like her mother. I got accepted to Kent State University's radiology program, and I couldn't be happier. My house is now clean and poo free, for the time being. I ate some cake. My kids are FINALLY in bed.

So I guess we're good. I'm in the clear, for now.

Also. I have had this damn song stuck in my head for days!




Monday, January 2, 2012

My Failures as a Mother are not!

Well. Here we are. The second day of 2012. So far, so good. Of course, we're only two days in. ANYTHING could happen at this point.

They say the world will end this year. If so, I guess I'm happy to say I completed most of what I wanted to do in my life. Own a house, go back to school (kinda), and have two potty trained kids.

What WHAT?

Yeah. I said it. TWO potty trained kids. One week, Ness is kicking and screaming on the toilet seat, because he's "too scared"! The next week, we take away his Nintendo DS, his Mario Kart AND his cartoons, and tell him "no more of anything until YOU use the potty".

One hour later? That kid peed in the damn toilet. I was taking a nap. He did it for the Chunk. It's a miracle! And since then, not one accident, he's been dry through every night, and it's been hella awesome.

As of right now, while I type this, he's sitting on the floor of the living room, playing his Mario Kart, and living the dream. I am prepping myself to finish off putting away christmas stuff, getting this house cleaned up, and finally finishing the load of whites clothes. I guess I'm racist, I saved the whites for last. :/

Wash ALL the clothes! Not just coloreds.

So here I am. I've decided that it's about time I start getting back in shape. I know, EVERYONE says that at the beginning of a new year, but there are times when I look back and think "whoa, I used to look like this" :



And somehow, I ended up like this??


I look like I'm ready to eat the whole damn buffet.

Ok. I realize I'm only 30 pounds overweight. Yeah, I said ONLY. There are a lot more people and friends who are more, and they probably look at this and laugh. "Girl, you SO skinny!"

No no no no.

See, I feel horrible. Not so much self esteem-wise, although it doesn't help it at all. I feel horrible, health wise. My stomach bothers me, my heartburn is at an all time high, and I just feel sluggish and miserable every day. I tried ViSalus last year, and lost 15 lbs in a month. I wasn't even working out, or I probably would have lost a ton more. So I've decided to hit the ViSalus train again, and work out along with it. I've been doing a bit of working out here and there, but nothing too serious. I need to take that shit seriously again.
I'll tell you what else helps.
That helped me out a ton, and it's free! Someone jump on this bandwagon with me? Let's lose some weight together! Or something.

So now, before I head downstairs to drag up the boxes marked xmas, I will eat a big ole' salad, full of healthy ... things, and then I will work my ass off all day.

But before then? I'm... gonna sit and relax just a little more. This is the first day since winter break has started, that the kids haven't been sick, and I haven't had to wait on them every single second. I am completely worn out. Snot has become me.

I promise I'll write sooner. The holidays and sick kids kept me uber busy.