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Friday, December 2, 2011

Things I Fail at as a Mommy

Tonight, we finally got around to decorating our christmas tree. I realize I said we were going to do this days ago, but things happen, and I got tired, bored, and very unmotivated to do much of anything. Winter isn't exactly my season, and I have a hard time dealing with it every year. Even with a new house and great things happening, this year is no exception. I hardly work anymore, which I'm actually pretty OK with, but all I want to do is hide in my bed and sleep. I find myself becoming very short tempered, lazy and blech. (I'm not sure how "blech" is supposed to feel, exactly, so if you know, kindly learn me on the subject.)

So anyway. We decorated the tree. I took a picture of my chuds in front of the tree. See?


Now. What do you see here? You know what I see? I see a beautiful 5 year old, huggin' on Mrs. Claus like the old woman has cookies hidden right there in her apron pocket. I also see my nekkid 3 year old son, who refuses to even LOOK at the toilet, and will sit and pee in his big boy underwear, all day, every day. I feel like a failure at this project. Chloe? She was no problem. She was all about the toilet, and sleeping through dry nights before the week was done. Cotton candy rewards did the trick, and it was AWESOME. Two years old. Great stuff.

Ness. Now Ness... he's different. This kid is the complete opposite of Chloe. When we're at the playground, Chlo runs up to each and every kid, and starts with this: "Hi, my name's Chloe, can I play with you?", and makes friends instantly. Ness is the loner kid, the one who usually prefers to play by himself, but if he's going to play with ANYONE, he sure as hell is gonna try and play with the eleven and twelve year olds. He has never shown interest in playing with boys his own age. He loves his cousin Trent, who is 6. He has no interest in the toilet. I have patiently tried with him. Rewards, targets in the potty, pleading, and he refuses. He will wear his big boy underwear, but I'll be damned if I ask over and over and over again "Ness, you gotta go potty?", he says no, then runs into the kitchen minutes later, and pees on the floor. It's extremely frustrating. I also feel judged when we're out where other small children are, and there are boys smaller than him, who are obviously out of diapers.

You know how bullies were mean in school? Well, other parents can be mean and cruel as well. I haven't had anyone say anything to me yet, but I swear I can feel the eyes of other people as they realize Ness is the same size as Chloe, but in a diaper. I know this seems like such a small thing, nothing to really worry about. It probably is a small thing. It doesn't help I'm being told by one person in particular, "Well, if you weren't working and were home all day like you should be, minding the house and raising your children, you'd probably have him trained by now." Wow. I work maybe 2 days a week now, usually early mornings. I'm home with my kids EVERY day, and I DO try.

Maybe he's not ready yet. I don't understand how he can identify numbers by sight, and count and use his brains in ways that continously blow me away, but I can't get him to simply stand in front of the pot and just GO.

Like I said. Rewards for peeing? Done. Nothing. Targets in the potty to shoot at? Also done, and still nothing. He wants nothing to do with it. At first, he would cry and scream if I tried. Now he doesn't have any reaction, except for the fact that he prefers to pee on my kitchen floor.

I sent this picture to my mother in law tonight over the phone. This was the response I got: "Oh, a lovely picture of the grandchildren, and of course Ness (in his diaper)." Just like that.

This winter funk isn't helping my situation at all. Neither is Chuck's nagging to get Ness out of diapers so that we won't have to buy anymore. I understand that, believe me.

Wow. I feel like this has just been a rant and rave tonight. I guess tonight is my night to vent, since I haven't in a while, and it was building up pretty hardcore.

In other news, I also cannot keep clothes on Ness. THAT, however, is a problem I can deal with. I just turn on the ceiling fan until he's cold and begs me to help him put his clothes back on. That seems to work out just fine.

Chlo is turning out to be a math whiz. She must get it from her father. Oh, and ALLLLL that asian in her. Thank god she doesn't have MY math talents. She'd might as well give up then, and invest in a calculator. I'm a mess when it comes to math.

While I'm on the topic of being a mom and all...

I was taking a crap earlier today, when Ness came into the bathroom crying, because he stubbed his toe and needed a smooch on it. So I kissed his toe.
While I was on the toilet.
Which brings me to other strange things I have done since becoming a mother:

Amused an 18 month old crying Chloe with bubbles, while I was sitting on the toilet.
Went to Walmart at 2am to find the same binkie as the one Ness lost when HE was a baby, JUST so he would go to sleep again.
Taught my daughter how to "crab crawl pee" in the woods when bathrooms weren't available. (Preparing her for the late night outdoor bonfires she may encounter in her early twenties.)
And some other stuff that god I can't remember, but watch, I will after I post this and go to bed, and by then, it'll be too late, and then I'll say fuck it, and then I'll be sad because... well, because.

Hey. Thanks for keeping it real.

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